"My body is a temple," I repeat again and again and again, as they rip my clothes off and loom over me, one after the other. I try going to my happy place, but it's no use. Happiness seems untouchable. They cover my eyes, the gateway to my soul. No shame in doing this to something less than human. Still, I struggle, scream, gasp for air. It's hard not to consider giving up when they invade my temple again and again and again. I want to. I really should. I stop. My body isn't mine anymore.

Ela observava aquela situação com ódio no olhar. Não sabia exatamente como resolver o problema porque, para resolver, precisaria ter os meios para isso. E, por meios, aqui me refiro a dinheiro. Infelizmente, boletos não se pagam sozinhos. Mordendo o lábio, ela pensou numa solução, mas não seria muito ortodoxa.

Why didn't you take the Tesseract and vanish? You could have left me there with Thanos and saved yourself. You had also lost everything already, except for that power, which granted you a better chance at survival. I wouldn't have held it against you. Not too much. And even if I hated you for it, I would forgive you afterward. I always do. It feels like you sacrificed yourself so I could live, but that makes no sense, does it? It would mean you cared about me. Even I am not that delusional.

"The sun will shine on us again, brother," you said, and I dared to believe you, like the fool you always took me for. I'll admit I wore the compliment well for those first few days, waiting for a change, when deep down I knew none would be coming. They tried to talk me down, Black Widow mostly, since Captain America is as much a fool as I am, whenever I stood by a window, contemplating a sunrise in hopes you would materialize in front of me and salute us with a sneer. The sun came. You didn't.

Slap! And so I bend over, face down, as my eyes well up once more. “I won’t do it,” you say, like a promise. “I’ll never hit you again.” And I don’t know what’s burning harder, my throbbing cheek or the thorn in my pride. I think about how you held my hand earlier and smiled at me as if I mattered. I nod quietly and you smile again. Slap!

There's a plan in motion, Loki. There is hope. We know where he is and we'll strike once and with enough force to defeat him this time. I know we will. I've met this new girl, Captain Marvel. You would have liked her. We'll get the gauntlet and undo all the horror Thanos has done. And afterwards, I'll take the time stone and undo my horror. No one would oppose to that. And even if they would, I'd still do it. The sun will shine on us again after all. I love you. See you soon.

Don't tell Valkyrie, but there was a point to this gathering in the end. A visitor from another world, like you and I, provided new information that might help us accomplish more than wallow in our own pain. I'm not confident yet--I want to save myself from disappointment. Still, the mere possibility of it makes my eyes water. If somehow I got to see you again, I... I know it's a long shot and a dangerous thought to nurture, but... Oh, I'm already doing it. I am that fool.

Thanks to Valkyrie, I had to make an awkward trip to meet the others. There wasn't much to be said by anyone, although I managed to see how they are holding up. Even Steve Rogers, with his unwavering optimism, seems to be giving up hope. We still wanted to revert this, save those lost in the snap. It would be something, but it wouldn't bring you back. That is a different kind of challenge, one I would be able to conquer with Thanos's assistance. The problem is I would have to find him first.

Valkyrie is angry. She found me this morning at the edge of a cliff and had the wrong idea about why I was here. You would have realized it was an honest mistake, but she swore I was up to something bad. Explaining myself didn't work. She said she'll contact the other Avengers to inform them of my condition. There is no condition. I was simply waiting for the sun to come up, then down and up again, but I fell asleep. "I thought you were okay now, Thor..." she said, her eyes red. "I am." I am...

I wish you were the warrior and I, the sorcerer, so I could conjure you, concoct a ritual to extract the truth from you, even from beyond the grave. The Mighty God of Thunder is powerless against the crippling doubt of whether the God of Mischief loved him or not. It seems petty and selfish, yet here I am, hoping the sun will bring me the answers you might not have yourself. Where are you, Loki? Niffelheim? Hell? Can you even hear my call? I fear now the only place you exist in is my heart.

Late at night in my castle, I relive memories of us. You turn into a snake to trick me. I cry, then I laugh, because I love snakes. I make you trip in front of our troops and you burn my cape in retaliation, enjoying every minute of it. I like that you do. You stab me in the back and I repay you in kind each time. You like that I do. We were made of vengeance and bantering, but there was love too. There must have been. Even if you locked it deep inside of you.

No matter how many times I picture different outcomes for our fate, it will never alter the result. You're gone and I remain. The sun still shines every morning and you never rise with it. I tell myself you're with mother and father in Valhalla, at last happy and together, but that sight does not sooth me. For once your worth is not at stake here; my selfishness is. Maybe you and I are more similar than either of us ever realized. Maybe I loved you more than I ever realized. Love... I still do.

New Asgard is more than an idea now. We have houses, a school, a hospital. People work as best they can to emulate what we had back home, to adapt. I'm still king, of course, although Valkyrie assists me with most tasks. My castle is a cozy house near the sea that I share with some friends. Being alone would be sad and uncomfortable, an invitation to your constant presence. Valkyrie compliments me for moving on. I never tell her that I haven't.

I could always count on you to keep both my feet on the ground. "Be reasonable, Thor. The people here, those who remained, will never embrace me. There's no place for me in your fantasies." "Father embraced you before he died," I'd remind you, because I could never forget it myself. The look in your eyes when he called us both his sons... "They will follow, Loki. And you'll have me by your side at all times." "I could use that chance to kill you." "You won't." And you on me, to believe in you.

"I'm so sorry." "For what?" you'd ask. "I'm not sure." A sneer, and you'd shake your head. "You're not just a fool, you're weak. I'm not sorry about anything I ever did or said to you." "It doesn't matter, Loki. I'm not fishing for an apology. But it's important that you know this." "Why?" "Because we're all that's left now. Of Asgard, of our family. We only have each other." "And that's enough for you, Thor?" "It is. Of course it is." And in your silence, I'd dream that future for a second."

We had some time, you and I, before Thanos's ship attacked ours. You would never say a word on your own, so it was up to me to try something. I was so tired of fighting and bickering and wondering when things had gotten so out of hand between us. But above all, I was abashed, unwilling to admit my portion of guilt in every moment that led us to stand on that cockpit, arms crossed, averting each other's eyes. The words welled in my mouth and I swallowed them. I'm still doing it. "Loki, I..."

Something I never took into account as I mourned each person I lost was that, although their bodies fade over time, their memory never disappears completely. You carry it with you every minute of every day, a reminder of what you once had and never will again. Before you, Loki, it all happened so fast I didn't have the opportunity to absorb the pain, to wallow in it. Now I do and I can't stand it. Surviving hurts so much I wish I had perished with you. At least then we would be together.

I found out where Valkyrie and the others ran to after we gave them a head start. A cozy place in Norway. "New Asgard," they plan to call it, an attempt to conjure home by putting a similar name. Everyone seems fine minus the initial shock of having half of them disappear because I failed. It hadn't been enough watching our real home be destroyed and our loved ones killed by Hela or, in your case, Thanos... Valkyrie insists we should be thankful for what we still got. I'm trying. I... I can't.

A trick. A spell. A cruel artifice meant to punish me for stealing the crown of a kingdom that is no more. I had many theories about your disappearance-I couldn't bring myself to pronounce the... other word-, none befitting a sorcerer of your caliber, but enough to keep me distracted. I'd choose a little bit of mischief over the truth any day. I'd choose you over solitude any day, even if we became enemies again. The thought of your knife against my throat is strangely comforting. I miss you.