My name is lily. We are about to move to a old house in Maine. I don't want to leave. Why do we have to leave anyway? We live in a nice house right now but we are packing up because we will leave tomorrow. Tomorrow! Mom says I can bring 10 things or more. I'm bringing basically everything. We are moving into a 6 bedroom house anyway. I have a younger sister named Mary. She is 6 years old. I am 10. Much older and muture. Mom called me and Mary for dinner. We ate dinner. It was soup. Then I did my bedtime routine. I brushed my teeth,got in my P.J.s and read a book in bed. The next morning I was helping mom and dad put the furniture and other things in the moving truck. It was so heavy! After that we got in the car and drove for hours. Finally we were there. The house did not look as bad as I thought. I might like it here after all. I went to unpack. After about a hour I was done. I went to check on Mary. "You lived here Amy?" Who are you talking to Mary? I asked. "Ahh go away!!" She yelled. Then when I left I heard Mary start to cry. "Why did you do that Amy?" I peeked through the crack in the door. Then I saw everything fly around in her room. It looked like a tornado came. Not only that but Mary was hurt! She started crying. "Sissie I'm sorry it's Amy she's mean. Then the wind blew again and I fell down too.
Okuduğunuz için teşekkürler!
I would have preferred if there had been paragraphs, because that way it would have been easier to have read through the text. I believe a bit more description (what does the house looklike?) would have been good. That being said, I like the idea, the cliffhanger at the end and the setting
Creepy!! Again, it might make the story a little more visual if you added in more of the scenery (how does the sister look, what does she do with her hands when she cries - does she whimmer, is it high, does she whisper, is she panicky?), but the pace picked up well and yet another cliffhanger. Good
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