If I Could Talk To My Younger Self… Подписаться

Dedication:

This book is dedicated to a friend of mine who passed away before really finding his purpose in life. Only if Rashaad knew that he has saved my life in many ways and I will forever be indebted to him for his friendship. Long Live my brother Rashaad Wisher and may he rest in peace until we meet again.

Introduction:

Since a young age I was always told that everyone has a purpose in life and that everyone is here for a reason. As I got older I started to question was that saying actually true. I questioned it because I wasn’t sure on what my purpose was in life, I was lost and afraid that I would die before finding my true purpose, my true reason. In July 2018 I lost a very close friend of mines, Rashaad. Me and Rashaad had been friends since elementary school before his tragic passing. Rashaad was quiet but giving, quick to lend you a hand whenever you needed. Years went by, Rashaad and I would go from innocent kids to bad kids I guess in a blink of an eye, it was like that in the hood, the streets could get ahold of anyone. Me and Rashaad would later lose contact for some time because he would be over in another neighborhood but we always remained brothers.

On the day I got the worst call of my life I was supposed to be with Rashaad but he never answered his phone. I didn’t pay it no mind because Rashaad was a heavy sleeper, I told myself that he would call me back when he wakes up. Hours went by and still no call, no text, no nothing and I started to get a little bit worried so I picked up my pen and pad and began writing raps. A hour into me writing I receive a call from a number I didn’t know, everyone that knows me, knows that I don’t answer calls from numbers I’m not familiar with but it was something in my soul that told me to answer this call. It was Rashaad’s mom, I could hear the shakiness in her voice and the trembling words coming off her tongue. It got real silent and I asked her was everything okay, she replied no and I asked her what’s wrong. She said in a sad tone, “Kye, they killed my son”. I dropped the phone, everything around me begin to spin and my heart seemed to stop beating. I ran outside and cried in the middle of the street, my mom and little brother had to come get me, if they didn’t, I could have cried right there all night.

Life has it’s ups and downs but it’s up to you on how you go about it. Everyone makes mistakes but don’t make decisions you can’t live with or you will regret. I regret some of the decisions I made so don’t be like me or any other bad influence you think you have to look up to. Be yourself, find your purpose and do what you love to do. If you feel alone talk to someone express your feelings don’t be afraid to let it all out because when you hold things in, you take it out on the wrong things or wrong people. Live your life how you want to and chase all of your dreams until you have caught them all.

If I could change the world at the snap of my fingers I would in a heartbeat no question. I remember riding through the west side streets as a kid, I was no older than five at the time and as we were riding I couldn’t help to notice all the homeless people holding up their signs. I couldn’t read that well but in my heart I knew what the signs said and even at that young of an age I wanted to help those people every time I saw them. I was born November 5th, 1999. Raised in Wilmington, Delaware.

I remember my early years of growing up. It was me, my mom and my three brothers at the time, my other siblings would come later in my life. My mom was raising 4 boys at the time by herself and not having a dad around was only a matter of time before she could only do so much. Months went by and my mom would go on to meet my future stepdad, Von.

My older brother’s, Jordan and Ji didn’t like Von in the beginning, they would tell me that he wasn’t my dad and they would always remind me of who my real dad was, who at the time I slowly started to forget. My older brother’s had established a relationship with my dad that I didn’t, they remembered the caring father and I remembered the one who was never there. They would tell me things so I wouldn’t like Von and I slowly started to join their side in not liking him. Not my younger brother Jaydan though he loved Von and Von loved him. Von began calling Jaydan his son first before he started calling all of us his sons maybe because Jaydan was the youngest, I don’t know I didn’t really pay it no mind at the time.

Months went by and Von moved in with us, I remember him and my mom taking me and my younger brother to day care early in the morning everyday, I never wanted to go to daycare, I hated being away from my mom and the day care we went to always had this strange smell to it. I sit back sometimes now in my adulthood and think how crazy it is that I remember some of these things that happened in my childhood. One incident makes me remember parts of my childhood, one incident that would change my life forever.