mattedpasta Matte S

A short... About my experience. What is this? Wanted to vent in some sort of writing. I put "Horror" as the genre but I don't really view it as that, I didn't know what to put it as. If anything it's Psycological Horror? I'm bad at writing. If you're sensitive to suicide, depression, all that fun stuff I suggest you don't read this.


Ужасы Подростковый ужас 13+.

#psycological #vent
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My hands glide over the piano keys, everything engulfed by black and white as they heed to my will. I know what I'm playing, I've had the pattern memorized for as long as I can remember, but no sound, no music, no color emits from the instrument. I raise my right hand and hold my chin, leaning down on it. I feel no sensation. I could still be playing the piano and I wouldn't be able to tell. My eyes can see my feet wiggle around when I command them, but feel nothing. Absoulutely nothing, as if I'm floating in water and watching a movie. Both of my hands slowly drift towards my neck, at least I think it's mine. If it is, why is my body so... distant.


I just need more

more

time


I watch as my chest suddenly stops rising and falling as hands turn paler from the pressure of suffocating me. I don't do anything. Why would I? It's not my body right? I'm just watching a movie. A movie where someone's whole body is shaking and twitching, where the corners of the screen become distorted... so blissfully blurry and dark...


darker


and


darker


and-


My hands glide over the piano keys, my vision and ears engulfed by the array of bright stage lights, and most of all the beautiful sound as I don't miss a single note. I can feel everything. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Smile Matte! I'm so happy. You were right, you were right, this is all I needed to be happy again. Spend more time with my family. Do the things I love. Eat more, sleep more, love more, be happy, eat more, sleep more, I'm sorry, be happy, be happy, smile Matte, smile, I'm so sorry, be happy, smile son, I'm-


no

s top it

t his

this

is

w r o n g



RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?

RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?

RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?

RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?

RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?

RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?

RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?

RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?

RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?

RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?

RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?

RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?

RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?

RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?


"I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you lately. I promise it's not your fault, no matter what you said to me in the past, I understand why you did."


I sigh.

"I'm still sorry. I- I never think about what I do, I'm trying to fix that because I care about you too much to ruin this just like everything else. I'm selfish as heck aren't I? I only care about that because I just want someone to love me back. I want... I want someone who actually gives a shit about me."


"No you're not selfish, trust me. I really don't want you to worry about this, I've caused enough damage as it is."


"You've done nothing wrong! You're parents are at fault for being awful human beings and Brian dumped all his trauma on you, he is a great person even though that harmed you so fucking much but the point is you've done nothing wrong! You need to get help because you NEED it and I have to do everything I can to help even though nothing I do works! I worry about you all the time, all the fucking time I'm wishing you haven't killed yourself, knowing you're most likely dissociating and I'm not there with you- You don't talk to me for long periods of time because you're dissociating, I- I don't know what to do."

"Matte we shouldn't- I don't think it's best to be friends right now. I'm sorry but I can't help seeing you so stressed like this."

"No please... I'll always care about you even if you shove me away. I'm not leaving."

"I'd hug you if we were together in person, thank you... it means a lot. I'll explain more... soon... I promise."

I'm sorry

I'm bleeding

Cut me open

I-

A letter came.

They really do care still?

Of course they do, I have to stop thinking they don't... There's just so much... So much going on for them...

Dear Matte

This is the soon I suppose...



Static

hands

not mine

NOT MINE

NOT MINE

Suffocatingme


No


NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

HAHA

YOU REALLY THOUGHT

THEY WOUD STAY

YOU REALLY THOUGHT

THEY WOULDN'T

THEY WOULDN'T

THEY WOULDN'T

RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?

I can feel my hands again.


19 июня 2022 г. 4:15:25 0 Отчет Добавить Подписаться
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