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Love Too Late

They say that the saddest moment is when the person who gave you the best memories, becomes a memory.

I put the bouquet of purple iris flowers by her tombstone. They were her favorite. She always called them a sign of hope and wisdom. I sit down beside her grave while inspecting the words engraved onto the stone for the first time .

In loving memory of

Dina Ray

1992-2014

Our Dearly Beloved Daughter And Friend

You touched our lives in the briefest of moments, yet you will stay with us Forever.

R. I. P

My eyes start to well up as my mind wanders back to the times we had together. I still remember the day we met.

I recall walking down the street with my head down trying to go unnoticed but then in a blink of an eye I was on the rocky sidewalk. Pushed to the ground by a bunch of high school boys. Then when I wanted to get back onto my feet I heard an angelic voice, soft and sweet, offering to help. She was standing in front me with the sun shining from behind her making her look like an angel. She had her hand stretched out to me, ready to help.

That is a day I’ll never forget.

I look back at her tombstone with a sad smile plastered on my face. She was the first person to ever show kindness unto me.

And I repaid her in the worst way possible. I look down at my shoes feeling guilt crawl up my spine in an unpleasant way.

Just thinking about her makes me think back to that night,12 years ago, the night that changed everything. I force myself to think happy thoughts instead like her laughter for example . Her laughter was like a sweet and addicting drug taking away any pain weighing on your heart. She used to laugh at the smallest of things even at her own jokes. She visited me in my little tree house home every day she even stayed over a few times when it was almost dark and unsafe for her too travel back home.

“I got released from prison a few months ago” I say trying to lighten the mood. I take a deep breath contemplating on what to say next. “You would have probably been upset with me for turning myself in if you were here but I don’t care because I deserve to be locked up and so much more for what I have done to you.” “Yes Jamie, I am upset with you. You should not have turned yourself in for something that wasn’t your fault. “ I hear her soft voice say firmly nearby. “Stop, stop thinking about her, stop thinking about 12 years ago! It makes you go crazy Jamie can’t you see how it makes you start hearing voices of the dead?” I plead with myself out loud. “I’m right here, silly, behind you.” I hear her say. I turn around swiftly towards the the direction of her voice.

I can’t believe my eyes. It’s truly her, the same rosy skin, the same curly hair I used to play with and the same freckled cheeks looking like a galaxy of tan stars . I close my eyes and take a deep breath, “she’s not real, it’s just your mind messing with your feelings again Jamie, forget about it.” I reopen my eyes hoping that I’m not going insane, unfortunately that’s not the case today.

“It’s me Jamie, I’m here, “ she speaks again as if trying to open up old wounds . I look up into her eyes and just when I start to believe that it’s truly her standing in front of me I notice something off. Her eyes. They are almost the same beautiful green eyes I’ve looked into thousands of times before the only difference is that they look dead, void of their usual spark of joy.

My mind brings up flashes of that night 12 years ago for the second time now coming back to haunt him like a ghostly shadow.

“I’m a monster” I admit to her looking down too guilty and too much of a coward to look her in the eyes.

“Why would you say that?” she asks as if she doesn’t believe me.

“I remember what happened that night in my tree house.”

“What exactly do you remember about that night?”

“I remember the nightmare. I remember what triggered it to happen and most importantly I remember who killed you. Me. “ I answer her honestly this time while looking her dead in the eye.

She looks back at me and reaches out to touch my face with her cold hand. ”Here let me show you that night “ she says and touches my face before I get a chance to object.

With a simple touch of her fingers to the side of my forehead we are both transported to another world or should I say another time.

I look around to where she had taken me. I’m confused to see that I’m back in my tree house home. I nearly scream when I see a younger version of myself laying on the floor, sleeping peacefully . Confused to how I’m standing right here and sleeping there at the same time I look around for Dina or whoever it is who sent me here for answers to find her standing behind me silently as if waiting for me to say something. “What is this? Where are we? Why did you bring me here and who are you? “ I say all in one breath, desperately trying to ease this uncertainty crawling within my bones.

She stares back at me for a moment, “well aren’t you full of questions today “ she states mockingly. “Would you please just stop with your games and answer my questions! “ I snap back at her feeling frustration grow from that uncertainty still raging inside of me. She rolls her eyes at me in return. “This, “ she says waving her hands around “this is that night, I brought you here so you can see for yourself that it wasn’t your fault and to answer your last question I am Dina just ghostlier. I was sent here to clear stuff up from the past and help you get all this weight of guilt and sorrow off of your shoulders. Look, that’s you sleeping on the floor . Do you notice that you don’t look so peaceful anymore. Notice the thin layer of sweat covering your forehead and notice the uneasy look on your face.. “

It took me a few moments to let all of what she had just said sink in before I look over to my younger self on the floor. She speaks the truth about me not looking so peaceful anymore. We are both still observing the scene before us when younger me starts stirring in his sleep and whispering words to soft for us to hear. I look over to Dina when she says, “ Your younger self is or was having a nightmare. Dreams aren’t about particular situations but rather about the emotion that is attached to those situations. “ She looks back at me and asks, “ Do you remember this nightmare, what it was about? “ I inhale a deep breath as I try to recall that night with its grave memories I tried so hard to forget over the years. I look down at my feet in shame for not finding anything but one thing, “My father “ I answer her meekly. “Yes , let me show it to you so you can see for yourself that you are not to blame for what happened to me it was an accident “she pauses for a moment, “remember it’s just a memory that time of your life is over. “ she advised me before pressing her cold fingers to my face again transporting us to one of the places I dread being at the most in this world. The place I was supposed to call home. A place where you are supposed to feel safe and loved by family. It’s a shame my father did not think so. Dina removes her cold hand from my face when whe arrive in my in my nightmare .

“Get back here, boy! “ I hear my father’s voice yell in my childhood home. I look around from the spot in the living room Dina took us to in search for where my father’s voice came from. “Don’t make me come after you boy. Come here. Now! “ we hear his booming voice echo again this time it clearly came from the staircase. I run in that direction to find him even though I know how this ends I still hope for this time to be better than the last.

I stop immediately after I see my father on top of my younger self beating him with his fist like usual but this time my father has a knife in his other hand and my younger self built up enough strength to fight back against my evil intoxicated father. My younger self removes his one hand from protecting his face to attempt grabbing the knife.

My father is shaking my younger self violently as if trying to get him to crack his skull open against the cold hard tiles of the kitchen floor. My younger self panics and stabs my father right in his stomach attempting to defend himself. He e pushes my father’s grumping body off of him with blood covering his hands like a thick red coat but that is the least of his worries right now all he cares about and all that is important for him now is to get as far away from this place as possible . My younger self is up on his feet and leaps for the exit.

I turn and look at Dina when my younger self is completely out of sight and ask in a loud shaky voice, “Wha… what is this suppose to prove? Are you trying to get back at me for killing you by showing me how I also almost killed my own father, my only family left on this earth ? “

“ No, Jamie, I brought you here for a reason you were only defending yourself against a man who abused you your entire life long there is nothing wrong with that. “ Dina replies firmly and presses her hands to my face and without warning we are transported to another time yet again.

I look around to see that we are both back in my tree house home. “This is what happens in the real world while you were having that memory slash nightmare “ she says. My younger self is still on the floor looking restless in his sleep just this time Dina, my Dina is here shaking him lightly trying to wake him, me, up but he won’t budge. She shakes him a little harder this time hoping that he’ll wake but instead of him waking she receives a blade in her chest . I close my eyes at that feeling too much pain from seeing that. Seeing her hurt by my hand is like having that blade stabbed into my heart over and over again till she is healed.

“Do you know why you stabbed her with the knife you always keep close to you? “Dina asks looking at me. “ no “ I answer her truthfully still feeling the heaviness on my heart.

“that part in your memory where your father was shaking you was triggered by her trying to wake you by shaking you. You didn’t know it was only a dream so you are not to blame for her death you hear me Jamie. “ Dina says answering her question to me but I choose to not answer her last question and decide to behold the sight before us.

My younger self wakes soon after with her bleeding body on top of his. Still shaken from the nightmare he slowly tries to sit up straight to hold her dying body in his arms. Her eyes slightly flutter open at the movement. She smiles when she sees him awake and no longer trapped in his own past. She has a heart of gold, she still cares more about other people’s well being than her own even when laying at her death bed with blood seeping from her chest staining the wooden floor of the tree house home. “How are you feeling Jamie? “ she asks my younger self weakly. “Shh, none of that. No caring about me or anyone else. You are going to be okay. Tomorrow you will be singing and laughing again with your usual cheerfulness. “ my younger self respond back to her with all the seriousness and optimism he could gather.

“No Jamie, you will move on and stay strong as you’ve been for the short time I’ve known you but I won’t… “ Dina says weakly to my wretched younger self, “No, wait! “ he exclaims but is too late.

My younger self weeps hysterically with her dead body cradled in his arms. I close my eyes trying my best not to cry at the scene before me.

Moments pass and I open my eyes to see that I’m back at the graveyard again sitting beside her tombstone again. I look around confused once again to find Dina but she disappeared into thin air.

Forgetting about her previous presence I turn to look at her grave again knowing that it’s time.

“ That night in my tree house home we said a lot of things but there was one thing I didn’t say, I couldn’t, I haven’t for 12 years but I’m here and now it’s time. Goodbye Dina Ray, my friend my light and my guardian angel. Sometimes you have to lose something in order to understand its real value and realized it too late but now I know I love you. “

The moral of the story is that you never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory so spend as much time with the ones you love and live every moment to make sure you don’t have any regrets afterwards.

29 de Outubro de 2021 às 18:24 0 Denunciar Insira Seguir história
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