Firsts. Seguir história

Why is it that when you live something new with someone, that activity and the feeling of its novelty create a bond between you and that person?

Why does it feel so important when you live a new experience with a person?

And haven't you notice that if it's your loved one it'll make you get a somehow unhealthy attachment?

Imagine living an immense amount of firsts with that same person.

Imagine feeling so connected with your partner due to the number of experiences together.

And then imagine that everywhere you go, every person you talk to, every show you watch, and every song you hear brings back a memory together that also makes a smile creep on your lips.

But then...

Imagine when that relationship comes to an ugly end, and due to uncontrollable physics laws the world has to keep on turning and there's a new sunrise every day which will make you arise from bed and move forward towards places, people, shows, and songs that have become painful remained of what you lost. Or at least what you had at one particular point in time.

Something that will never repeat itself, something that's no longer there, no longer possible, no longer happy.

Imagine feeling heartbreak every second of every day because you shared everything with that person.

You shared your entire life.

And it was at that point where I realized something truly magical, and it concerned me to the point of shaking me to my core.

I realized that...

Although you were not the first man I had shared my body with, I did share myself with you by pouring my soul in your hands letting your eyes savor it, and keep it. I shared something far more important than meat and bones with you. I shared something yet more powerful and secretive.

I shared my hidden truths and fears, when I had worshiped them on my own since the beginning of times, and with everyone else, I had only shared a beautiful and carefully placed together set of lies.

You became the knower of my true self, you owned me, and when I ran out of new places, people, shows, and songs that couldn't haunt me with your ever longing presence, I still had myself to handle, to look in the mirror, and the reflection who stared back at me looked no longer like myself, it looked like a transformed version of you.

I delivered a piece of me to you, and you incrusted yourself in me.

I'll never run away from my own skin that now seems to be yours.

Discouraged.

Frightened.

Disassociated.

That does not even begin to describe my state. You left me nothing and took all.

You don't know who you are until you lose who you are.

Goodbye my love, goodbye myself.