To many lonely nights! Suivre l’histoire

You would thank being in my shoes would not be a challenge! The walk would be very pleasant and so refreshing but its the complete opposite of that. My shoes are filled with constant worry and doubt. Fear of being lied to and forgot about. Thoughts of leaving and lossing fill my life. Its damaging and destructive! The what ifs and the how is this happening. It has been a cycle in my life for years now. Like nothing is every gonna be okay. Depression consumes my entire presence and lays with me in my dreams. Constantly on the verge of losing my shut but holding it together by threads. Layong here in this bed as lonely as a bird flying without the wind. My mind flows with uncontrollable thoughts of him. Why he hasnt called or why he hasnt asked me if im okay or if im even here. As i lay my head down tears rapidly come down my cheeks covering my pillow and causing a pain tight in my chest that mo one could imagine feeling. As if im the only one that really feels this down and lonely. Its to intense for the weak and to much for the strong. As i pray to god to help me just get threw tell tomorrow. To much to live for yet mot enough to care. The only one i feel is here is not really there. If i was to go would anyone grieve over my lifeless body or would they continue there normal life as if any other day. Would anyone cry or even care. Would there be pain and crys to the man up stairs. Cause right now when i need an ear no one is even willing to hear. A shoulder to cry on would be nice but as close as they are not one person to call. No friends or anyone to vent. My family all tells me to get over it And ill be okay tomorrow. They cut ties along time ago now im alone , no one truely cares or sees my pain. They all say they do but they show there real intentions everyday. Maybe im not meant to be happy and tearfree. God must have another plan for me.