Nothing made sense anymore. It's like my eyes are covered and I'm wandering blindly, how can I go back to seeing the light? I dont want to live in darkness anymore. It's not a great place to be and it leaves me scared and wondering, why me? I'm alive but it feels like I'm hanging on by a mere thread that wont hold my weight for much longer.
My throat constricted and I cried out for someone to save me. No one came.
But I knew if I just gave in, relief would be farther away and this darkness would consume me. I want to walk in the light and not be trampled by the dark. I was falling in a bottomless pit. Or I was floating above something worse and as soon as all hope was gone I would plumit.
I needed someone. I was alone except for the monsters that haunted me.
"Come, child. We can help you. Just give in to us. Just let us mark you with our seal and then we'll save you."
Everyday this would come and torment me, but I wouldn't give in. To mark me would make me like them and that is the last thing I want.
"No one would miss you, if you come with us. We would adore you, come."
They would take my insecurities and abuse them to weaken me. That is when I would fight harder, I couldn't give in.
"You are worthless to them! But to us, you are beyond value. Just let go and fall into our arms."
They promised everything I wanted and more, but I knew they were lies. They had to be, right?
"You are to fat to be loved by anyone, but us. You are too stubborn to be wanted by anyone, but us. Too outspoken to be accepted by anyone, but us. SO GIVE INTO TO US!"
I cried in the darkness as I took their insults, each one denting my armor more. But I held on, but my grip was weakening.
"Stupid! Ugly! Worthless! Waste of space! Selfish! Stubborn! A background character! Hated by everyone you know, except us! You have no one! Don't make us turn our backs on you too!"
How much more could I take? How much more would these monsters torment me?! I couldn't do it anymore! I need someone to pull me out of this endless pit!
"Die, you pathetic, worthless, selfish, mistake! The world would be better off if you did!"
My tears were enough for an ocean or two. Was darkness really how I was supposed to live? In this place of insults and torment? Was there any hope for me?
"Daughter, open your eyes." This was a new voice, softer, more angelic. I covered my ears, I didn't want to give in. "P-please, I-I c-can't t-take a-anymore." My voice was scratchy from my tears and screaming, I flinched when I felt a comforting hand on my shoulder. "P-please." Arms wrapped around me and I cried as I fell into them. "I'm here, my daughter. Sorry it took so long, I had to uproot a lot of nasty weeds." I looked up and saw a man with kind eyes. He was bruised and scratched, but he smiled at me like I was a beautiful treasure.
He looked me over checking if I was hurt, He smiled when He caught my gaze. His hazel eyes were filled with such love and joy, it made my heart leap.
"Are you ok?" I nodded dumbly as I continue to marvel at the man in front of me. "Are You ok? You look like you were in a fight." The man chuckled as He nodded, "I was. But you are worth it." My eyes welled up as a fresh batch of tears came, breathlessly I asked "Who are You? Why did You save me? Aren't there more important people?" The man grabbed my face gently and softly told me "Because I love you and no one is more important then you in my eyes. My name is Jesus and I couldn't let you suffer anymore." I gasped, I knew Him. But I thought He left me when the lies got louder. "Why did you leave me for so long?" "I never left you, you just got caught up in the waves and los sight of Me. But I've been fight to get you back for a while now. Come on, lets go home."
I took His hand as He lead me back to the light, that I had missed so dearly.
Without Him the darkness is a lot bigger and scarier but with Him it's beautiful and full of wonder.
Monsters are everywhere and lies are easy to believe but there is only one way to peace and light and His name is Jesus Christ. Fully human and fully God. The savior of the World. My beloved Bridegroom, thank you for not giving up on me.
Merci pour la lecture!