It was Saturday night, November 27, the day of the graduation celebration for the 4th grade classes. During the afternoon, there were competitions, workshops and presentations for students in general — as well as events for their families and other visitors. In the evening, the students would receive their diplomas for completing the last phase of high school.
It would be a special day for high school seniors at Murity Polyvalent school — not for young nerd Denison. At that time, he was dating the beautiful Mellanie, or Mell. At least, he thought he was dating ...
Denison was in the 4th row of the bleachers when he saw her arriving: “She was beautiful as always in that tight red dress”, he immediately observed. She had came with his younger sister and they sat in the second row, without even looking in his direction. His heart froze. However, he tried to convince himself with the argument: "She just didn't see him, over there ...". But at that point, it was impossible to deny that there was something wrong with her — or in her behavior:
"You are smarter than that ..." still managed to tell him his silenced conscience in the face of the humiliating situation. “Even if she had three times her degree of myopia, it would not be possible to ignore him this way! ” insisted his common sense, trying to make him see the reality so obvious.
The fact was, he had never seen her as cold and indifferent as that day. In fact, she seemed to be indifferent to him, just: “In addition, she was beaming with everyone”, he had to admit.
He watched her from afar. She was cheerful and enthusiastic with everyone around her. Mellanie had a beautiful oval face — or half rounded, depending on the angle — and the smile of a naturally attractive woman. She had a sensual body that drew the attention of any man. Perhaps, for that reason, he had so little self-esteem towards her, and he was too much insecure in the relationship.
Denison, for his part, did not find himself having many attractions, or physical attributes to draw on. He was an absolutely normal boy. With the exception of his indigenous traits — inherited from his mother —, his intellect and his sexual gifts, he did not have much to compete with against Big Marco's athletic body, distributed in his almost 1.90 in stature.
In addition, he had a very depreciated self-image, created by low self-esteem and by constantly comparing himself with other Mellanie suitors — who in his view: " They had far more merits and attributes than he". And the feeling of insecurity in his head made the situation worse than it really was.
Suddenly, a film was running through his head, recalling all the events that led him to that picture of complete disillusionment.
During High School …
The girl was an eye candy. In addition to a pretty face, still a teenager, Mell already had the perfect body of a made woman. She had been his classmate since the 8th grade. It was at this time that the nerdy and withdrawn Denison fell in love with the outstanding girl. But he just admired her from afar.
In addition to being very beautiful and naturally sensual, the young woman was apparently mature for her age at that time. Mell was seen as an atypical local girl, because in addition to all these physical attributes, she was also a nerd. As an unusual girl, she had the nickname "Nerd Barbie" among students — which she disliked.
Dating her, became the “intent” of a good part of the boys at school. However, her fame as an intelligent girl with the personality of an independent woman was a stigma to her, intimidating most boys — and kept her isolated from the group of "popular and cool". The girl didn't even seem to notice that his eyes were shining when he saw her.
She and Denison have not become "close" since the beginning. Mellanie saw him as just one of his colleagues. And he saw himself like one more in that crowd of suitors of the beautiful girl. In addition, Denison was extremely withdrawn and shy with girls. He hadn't had the courage to speak or demonstrate to her what he felt. He had an unusual fear and insecurity in exposing his feelings. And, as with other young people, the fact that she was smart, had a personality of her own and proved to be so independent in class, intimidated him even more.
He thought Mell didn't seem to need anyone. However, after the first year, that had unexpectedly changed...
It happened during the third year...
Denison had been promoted to the smartest in the class — or the hardest, as he retorted who labeled him that.
Since then, all of his colleagues have vied to do schoolwork, tests in pairs or in groups with him — including Mellanie. Denison was intrigued, not understanding his new condition: "As a young woman with her curriculum and school baggage, could she be in need of all that academic help to close the notes? ..."
However, being in love with her, he was flattered by the unusual fact of having that girl sitting next to him.
As for their love affair, Denison and Mellanie only started “dating” in early February 2010. At the time, both were almost 20 years old. And she had broken up with her boyfriend, a much older guy — who didn't even go to school. The fact was, she was always attracted to intellectual boys. Or who pretends to be one, like her ex.
Denison said he didn't even know how exactly he started dating her: “He told everyone that he just took advantage of the moment when she was lonely, due to her recent breakup, and invested to see what would happen. And that, surprisingly, she had accepted… ”. Only it hadn't been so ...
Sometimes, he thought that much of that “success in his conquest”, was due to the fact that she was impressed with his nerdy skills and knowledge, both on the internet, on cell phones and computers. Knowledge that he, in fact, had learned from Minhoca, his best and only friend, without any pretension to impress her — or any other girl. In fact, she was really impressed, it was with another kind of performance from him ...
At that time, Denison's mother and sister still lived with him in Murity. Or he who lived with them ... In that year, 2009/2010, DVDs were still at their peak here in Brazil. Mainly, those of pirated films and music clips. On the pretext of seeing her at his house, he always arranged all kinds of videos of musical shows and movies on the internet for the girl. And Mell had no objection to coming to his house to pick them up. Denison always dreamed and fantasized about "something" happening between them on one of those visits to his bedroom. But it all seemed too good to be true: “It would never happen!”, He tried to keep his feet on the ground.
However, on a lucky night in February 2010, Mell was in his bedroom, waiting while he transferred to DVD a famous 2009 film, which he had just downloaded by Torrent...
Friday evening, February 19, 2010...
Mell also needed glasses because he suffered from myopia — as did Denison. However, she only felt comfortable using them when she was with him. It was as if, with him alone, she could be herself. At ease, Mellanie was sitting on the bed with her arms behind her, resting on the mattress ...
“So, Denison ... Are you seeing someone?” Mell asked, as if she wanted nothing.
“Huh?! ... Me? ...” He was startled to hear the sudden question.
“If you have ‘someone'?” She reiterated, now lying.
“No. I mean, now, for the time being, no ..” he kind of curled up to give an answer that looked like he was in control of his own emotional life.
“And you? I mean, you don't ...” Denison immediately remembered her recent situation. “I mean, you just broke up with Allan, didn't you? ...”
"What about Ananda? ..." asked Mell, without answering his question.
“Ananda?” Denison was surprised by the suggestion.
“IT IS. I thought you ...” did not complete Mell, thinking he understood.
“Oh no. No of course not. We don't ... We don't have anything, you know? It's just… friendship”. Denison wanted to make that clear, wondering where she got that story from, but already having an idea.
“It's just that I always saw you guys and ... And she is so cool and smart, right? ...”
“No, we have nothing ...” he confirmed.
Now lying on her back, she was half in bed, while her feet touched the floor. She smoothed her hair and complained about her former boyfriend's behavior.
Sitting in front of the computer, Denison occasionally glanced and saw her half-lying on his bed, imagining himelf suspending that short flowered dress of hers, and having access to that precious jewel he heard some of the guys from the school comment on ...
While she was frustrated with her old, shallow relationship, “where she seemed to like the guy, but he just had her 'one more' for him,” Denison just answered anything, almost in monosyllables, pretending to be interested. Or that he understood what she said and felt. In fact, as he secretly loved her, he was not very happy to be just in the friendship zone. And listening to her suffering for someone who didn't value her, was not pleasing him very much.
After playing the confidant friend, Denison already finished recording and transferring the movie "Avatar" from his computer to the DVD ...
“Already?! ...” she was surprised by the supposed speed of the procedure.
“My PC is very fast for these things.”
“How many Gigas of Ram?” She asked, showing interest and a certain knowledge of the subject.
“It is a DELL with Core i3, 6 Ram, expanded with a 16 SSD, and 1 Tera of internal memory.”
“Wow! Wow, that envy! My Laptop has 2 Ram's and is already asking for help. (Laughter)”.she commented, getting up and positioning herself in front of him, waiting for the DVD.
Denison was sitting. With her so close, he smelled the good of her dress, while his eyes were on her voluminous and perfect bust. He handed over the DVD, causing his fingers touch each other. Denison felt a chill in his spine and a wire of electricity run through his body as he touched her, even faintly and quickly.
“So, how much is it?” the girl joked, having on her beautiful face the bright smile that warmed his heart.
“Well, if you pay me, then it will be piracy ...”
“And what's the difference ?!”
“Giving it to you for free is a donation...”
“But you only donate what is yours ... And you downloaded it ... You know ... Pirate ... (laughs)” argued Mell.
“Yeah, now you got me ...” Denison admitted, running out of arguments.
“Wait, let me...!” Stood up Denison quickly to get a cover for the disc, practically stopping with his face glued to hers, then freezing.
Although he made that move in a completely unpretentious way, both of them did not retreat.
Their bodies were almost touching on each other. Mell put the DVD on the computer table and put her hand on Denison's chest as he moved to her mouth.
“Oops! ...” she reacted when her glasses touched his, laughing a little at the scene.
Denison also laughed lightly at the situation when their glasses collided unexpectedly. She then removed his glasses and he took hers, placing them on the desk.
Denison's heart felt like it wanted to explode in his chest. Her legs went weak and her breathing was heavy. However, in a millionth of a second, when he realized what was and what could happen there, Denison surprisingly took the initiative and started to move again towards her mouth, "to see what happened"…
As soon as their lips met and they started to kiss, he held her face with one hand and the other on his waist. As she leaned closer to him, she felt his cock erect under her shorts, pressing against his groin. Still in control, she stopped kissing him and pushed him slowly until he sat on the chair.
She came over and knelt in front of him, who sat looking at the open bedroom door. Mellanie couldn't take her eyes off the pulsating volume beneath his shorts. His thoughts were divided between what he knew she was likely to do, and the concern that his mother and sister might arrive at any time at church, and catch them. But he remembered it was around eight in the evening. And they always arrived at ten. Then he quickly calculated that they would have an hour and a half.
Mell looked at him with a shining face as he looked back at her, imagining that he had won the lottery or was in paradise. She then pulled her shorts up to her thigh, making her stiff member jump quickly. Mellanie seemed to have been impressed by what she saw. His countenance changed. She seemed to crave him. She took it with one of her little hands. As he touched it, the boy's already swollen penis throbbed. It was so extremely sensitive that he had to restrain himself from coming right there.
“Ah! Hmm! ... Oh! ...” Denison groaned and stepped back slightly, feeling the pressure of her hands massaging it.
She then began to caress him, making up and down movements, as if masturbating him. They said nothing. They just communicated with looks.
Denison squirmed and contracted the muscles in his legs and thighs, holding himself up so he wouldn't come in her hands. In his head, he wondered what she would probably do next: "It will surely suck you ...", he heard in his mind
But he wanted to kiss those lips a lot. And he didn't want to do that after she gave him a blowjob — even if the penis was his ... "Besides, he really wanted to take off her dress, smell her panties and see her pussy for the first time. He wanted to taste the taste and texture of her vagina, more than anything! ... ", he thought, while restraining himself, worried, because it was his" first time "with a girl.
"Relax, man. Don't think. Just let it happen. Remember the tips, but don't try to follow a script ..." Let it happen ...!” oriented himself in the midst of anxiety and fear of making mistakes. “Just let the natural instinct drive you… ”, he added his mind, trying to control his breathing.
Taking the initiative, he immediately pulled her by the arm, making her sit with her legs spread on his lap. He kissed her tenderly, passionately, caressing her whole body, making her paralyzed with pleasure. Intrepidly, he looked at her with lust and security, while he stroked her vulva over her panties, making her moan and pant on his neck. He saw that she liked being touched there. It was then that, quickly, the theoretical knowledge he had learned in the articles he read about female sexuality, became intuitive actions. He remembered what he had to do ...
He quickly found himself in the control of the situation. It was as if, at that moment, the sexual impulse had been a kind of elixir that dominated him and removed the shyness of the withdrawn Denison.
Automatically, and already completely fearless, he took her. With a typical male footprint, he put her sitting on the computer table, in the keyboard space. It was firm, as it was leaning against the wall. Then he sat on the chair: "He wanted to spread her legs wide and have a privileged view of her pussy before sucking it", he planned.
Mell felt prestigious and truly desired with the touches and passion of Denison's kisses. It was as if he didn't just want her body, but her.
Still dressed and horny, she collaborated, suspending her dress and tossing the white strap sandals away. Her black Her panties were in plain view. Leaning her feet on his thighs, she spread her legs for him. Horny, Mell was looking hard at his member, firmly pointing up. It was as if she invited him to enter her body, to possess her.
Denison hurriedly removed his shorts. His cock felt extremely rigid and throbbing, howling to penetrate her. But he was contained, for now. He kissed the sides of her white thighs. He smelled the delicious scent of her panties, that soft, aphrodisiac musk of female underwear. His libido went to the stratosphere. He ran his thumb under the sides of the lingerie, feeling its interior very hot and very slippery, making her legs tremble with excitement. Finally, he pulled one side of the underwear to the side, exposing much of her shaved vagina to the blade. The large lips were bulky and covered most of the small ones. The hair was already growing, so it was a little rough. It undermined a viscous and transparent liquid between the crack of the small lips.
"What a beautiful pussy, my God!" he exclaimed internally, seeing his reddish vagina open right in front of him, wanting to dip his mouth in it.
Before, Mell was in charge, thinking that she needed to satisfy Denison, as she always did with her Ex. Now, for the first time, she found herself being satisfied, actually enjoying pleasure. It was like exchanging pleasure, making love — not just fucking someone.
'Denison then, without wasting any more time, passionately grabbed that work of art from nature, feeling its taste for the first time. The smell was a little reminiscent of intimate female soap ...
“Yeah! ... Yeah! ... Yes! ... Suck my little pussy, sucks! ...” Mell asked hornyly so he could continue, making him feel flattered when he heard the young woman's words of approval.
... The taste was kind of sour, kind of sweet ... bittersweet. Almost reminiscent of green coconut water. However, just as beer was for many, despite the exotic taste, that flavor was delightfully addictive and pleasurable ... "He was dazzled to see, touch and smell a real pussy, to the detriment of the cold pornographic images he saw."
After kissing her for a long time, making her taste a little of her own vagina, he picked her up and put her on the bed. She spread her legs wide while she removed her dress and bra. Denison took off his shirt as well. After leaning over her groin, he gently moved her small lips away from her pussy with her fingers and found her discreet and erect clitoris. Caressed him with his tongue, as he learned, circling lightly ...
Mellanie was delighted to have her intimacy admired, explored, sucked for the first time with adoration. Denison sucked her as if extracting the nectar from the gods ... At that time, when noticing how it pleased her, Denison also remembered what she had learned in the articles she studied ... "He knew that, theoretically, if he made her feel pleasure there, in his hands: he could win her, always have her ... And he knew very well "where" to go — or what to look for and encourage ... "
“Ah! Uh! Ah! Ah! Hammm!” She continued to moan without restraining herself in his hands.
After lingering in that action for a while, listening to her moan intensely, he stopped himself: he took her by the thighs and approached her. That would be another magical moment for him ... He positioned his hard, throbbing penis at the entrance to his moist pinkish grotto, and pushed it slowly ...
“Ah! Ah! Umm!” Mell felt a refreshment and waves of pleasure to have his penis slipping in the mucous of her vaguely lubricated vagina. And Denison experienced an incredible sense of accomplishment, as he felt himself slide in and out of the body of Mellanie, the girl he loved ... When he realized he was going to come, stopped. He wanted to prolong that moment.
He took her and then placed her on all fours. Seeing her like that, seeing her ass and her beautiful pink vagina squeezed between her buttocks, he found herself in paradise, before that wonderful sight. He rubbed his sensitive glans there, over her vulva and ass, as if he wanted to extend that moment and sensation as long as he could, if he no longer had her ...
“Ah! Yeah! Yeah! Fuck me! Fuck me yummy!” Mell asked, full of lust when he felt the thrusts of Denison's thick penis entering and leaving his also swollen vagina, producing discharges of pleasure from her pelves and radiating down her spine and body ...
With her in his power, Denison felt like a real man. He saw himself attached to her as a "Slave to Love", as the lyrics of one of his favorite songs said.
"If he could, he would freeze that moment in time!", He thought ecstatically, feeling fulfilled to finally be with the girl he was secretly in love with.
Denny did not imagine that, in a few years, he would live (or had he already lived?) An adventure through Space-Time, full of passion and mysteries, involving that and another girl that he paradoxically already knew and would still know.
But in that night, until almost 10:00 pm, he found himself floating when he felt, several times, triggering an explosion of synapses inside him and a wonderful sensation of muscular and psychic relaxation: he had had his first non-masturbatory orgasms ...
After that iconic night of pleasure, Denison ceaselessly recalled those magical moments he had spent with Mell in his small room, on the night of 02.19.2010 ...
“He remembered how he found himself floating when he felt the explosion of synapses of a wonderful sensation of muscle and psychic relaxation. Sensations arising from the release, by the hypothalamus, of the so-called hormones of love and pleasure, during sex: Oxytocin, Serotonin, Noradrenaline and Endorphine... Physical-sensory experience that is enhanced when you are in love or with someone you love. Denison was proud of his first orgasm with a woman: the girl he loved and was in love with ...
Whenever he brought back those hot memories betweIt had been a very special night for Denison. The unlikely occurred. He didn't care that she was so "easy". He was just surprised that he had planned that moment so much, and that it had happened so unexpectedly. He had imagined, planned and fantasized it so many times in his head, and it happened so naturally and impromptu: “It was a completely spontaneous chemistry, sponsored by her sentimental lack together with the Platonic passion he maintained for her figure”, he said. The fact is, it was so unexpected, he didn't even use a condom. Luckily, she used pills and both had no STDs.
That night, while his mother and sister were in church, Denison tasted for the first time the magical sensation of having his erect and sensitive penis penetrating a hot, moist vagina while holding Mell's fragrant, silky-skinned body in his arms. After that night, her scent permeated his bedroom and sheets. Finally, he felt a man fulfilled for having sex with a woman.
For him it was special, not just because he had sex for the first time: “But because he did it with the girl he loved”, he said. It had been the first time for Denison. However, it looked like it had been her first time, too. Not that Mell was still a virgin: something she hadn't been since the 2nd year ...
Previously, after one of the boys in her new group "devirginar", he spread out that, "he finally got fuck Barbie!" — as they called it in high school. At the time, because he was in love with her, those comments were depressing for him, who constantly listened to the buzz in the halls and corners of the school. From that moment on, anyone who succeeded in "catching her", went out bearing the feat as a "trophy" or achievement...
As was to be expected, that did not happen on Denison's turn with her. He liked that girl too much to act that way. And it was not in his character to behave like this: "He knew that, of all the guys who had her in his arms, for none of them, the experience had been so special and similar to the one he had." Especially, when he saw on her beautiful face, the expression of pleasure that he endeavored to provide her in bed.
When having sex for the first time, that's when Denison felt his first real orgasm: "That night, he knew the magical difference between the empty orgasm caused by masturbation, and the pleasure of ejaculating the penis pulsing in a moist, warm and cozy female genitalia, while holding her body in his arms — the body of a real woman", he said.
For that reason, after that real intimate experience for two, he vehemently rejected the practice of masturbation: "It didn't satisfy him anymore ..." Except in cases of extreme need. “The sensation of having his member in contact with the delicious vaginal mucosa was irreplaceable and unparalleled!”, He told his impressed nerdy colleagues, those who had not yet had their “first time with a woman ..
Denison and Mellanie started seeing each other and having sex regularly. Until things took on a more serious characteristic — at least, in his view: he idealized her too much. Just as he naively planned for a non-existent future for that platonic relationship ....
To the detriment of Denison's expectations for that pseudo-relationship, Mell always interpreted what they kept more as, "something open" ... For her, what they had together was just "sexual", or "physical". And that would be evident on their graduation night ...
While Denison explicitly and openly loved her, for Mellanie, the only thing that sustained that relationship was the part in which he satisfied her sexually, to the point that she confessed: "That no other guy has ever bothered to give her pleasure"; and that: "With him, everything was different! ..."
The problem was that, hearing all of it without the “feet on the ground” filter — due to practically annulling the critical sense of his conscience in that period, also known as “Alter ego” —, ended up feeding even more the illusion and the false expectation he created for their future. He wanted her so blindly, that he declared that he felt pleasure, only, in seeing her moaning and squirming for the orgasms that he provoked him, during their platonic meetings ...
The fact was that, despite being lonely and shy — and having no previous experience with women — Denison did very well with Mellanie, since their first time. In fact, she never knew it had been her "first time". And as they say that first impression is what matter ... In fact, having been alone for a long time, in a way, helped him prepare for that moment. At least, that was what he argued.
During his period of solitude, Denison consumed a lot of informative material on sex, sexuality, relationships and female pleasure. Despite be just theoretical knowledge, all that somehow prepared him to give more attention to a woman and satisfy her in bed ...
In fact, he learned many techniques on how to access the mechanisms of sexual satisfaction in women's bodies: "He learned about the likely points of pleasure and what they expected from the man at the time 'H', but they didn't say ...". But it was in practice where he discovered that giving pleasure to a partner could be a game changer for many relationships. Observing Mell's reactions and behavior in bed, Denison had recognized this point of female pleasure quickly, during intercourses.
When he started dating Mell, he only had theoretical knowledge in the field. However, this “knowledge”, as it was put into practice with her, became his greatest asset to keep her in his exclusive orbit for almost a year.
However, that strong and close physical connection that existed between the two only lasted in those moments of pleasure. The fact was, those moments between them became a point outside the curve in that superficial relationship. And her interest in Denison only persisted until she found a guy who would give her all that — and with whom she thought she was really in love. And he would only know about it later, by third parties ...
Denison found his replacement in the worst possible way: after everyone at school. At the time, he was devastated. "He felt like a useful idiot in love."
Minhoca himself had already tried to warn him about her and her “betrayal”, when he had seen her with a “guy he knew”: coincidentally, this “guy” was his supplier of “weed”, a well-known drug dealer in the city — and the Polyvalent school.
At first, he didn't want to believe it, because he had many illusions and had invested a lot in that relationship. Denison idealized her based on his own feelings and compromised vision that he had of her person: “After all, she had been his first girlfriend and with whom he had lost his virginity. Girl for whom he had deep feelings since he first saw her ... ”. Nor did he show enough security or self-esteem to think that he would meet another girl like her.
As for the alleged betrayal, some colleagues even thought he knew, but pretended not to know. Or he didn't care about the affair. Due to its clear state of denial, that situation ended up becoming a case of “betrayal” where everyone in the schools was already aware of the fact: except for him. What caused him to be labeled with various pejorative nicknames by some of his former Bullying foes, such as “wittol” ...
It was his “innocence”, or refusal to accept the truth, that made that night of November 27, 2010 so embarrassing and humiliating for him. His complete disillusionment took shape before his eyes that graduation night. However, it had already been drawn a few weeks before, when he could have admitted the obvious ...
A few weeks before the fateful moment in the auditorium
Mell had traveled to the home of relatives in Cruz das Almas, a city next to Murity. He hadn't seen her for about 3 weeks. She had decided to live there for a few months to take a pre-university course. For Denison, that's fine: "He would wait for her." Except that, undeniably, he started to notice something strange in the girl's behavior ...
Mellanie no longer answered his calls or answered his messages. In her social networks, "she was always 'online', but she also didn't call back"; "Visualized, but did not respond". Still, Denison went on ignoring the signs. He always justified to himself, with. "She was just with her family"; he thought. "When she returned, everything would be as before ..."
Despite the abnormal behavior, Denison did not want to show up at his uncles' house to clarify everything. He wasn't brave enough to be so invasive. In addition: “She liked to have space”, he remembered.
Even though some of her updates and Check-ins show that she was in other cities with a well-known Marcos Fontes, introduced to her by one of her new friends — and exactly the same guy that his friend, the Minhoca, had quoted to him —, Denison had taken no initiative: he still refused to see the pattern.
This Marcos — or “Big Marcos”, as he was known in his circle — studied at the same school as them, Polivalente. But on another shift. He was an incorrigible school grade repeater. Some even said that he was a typical case of "professional repetition", or "purposeful". And that dynamic has been going on for years.
At that time, drug trafficking was already developing in the region. The theory was that, due to a ‘business’ strategy, he couldn’t leave school: “He needed to continue to have access to the school building and its‘ market ’— students already addicted — to consume the drugs he sold: as well as to make new customers.”
If that was really true, no one had the courage to confirm it. However, the fact was that he was already around 36 years old and had not yet graduated — 5 of which, only in the last year of high school. He seemed to live in a kind of 'continuous cycle of planned school repetition':“ Always suspiciously repeating the past year, in plain sight ... ”
It happened that, while “stalking” her on the network, and no longer being able to deny the evidence, Denison observed a very suspicious activity on her social networks: "In one of his virtual check-ins — one of the many where she met Marcos —, her geolocation put them both in the same motel area where she liked Denison to take her on weekends.”
Deep down, he already knew that she no longer “orbited” him. However, contrary to his own good sense, due to the suppression of the situational view offered by his inner voice, he was in an evident state of escape from reality, hoping that his patent logical deduction was not real.
It was around 6:00 that afternoon on November 27
As it was summer, the sun set a little later in the Recôncavo, so the day was still very clear.
That night, when arriving at the school, the place was already crowded with students: both graduates and non-graduates. He also saw that many of the families of students, teachers and other employees were already present. And the high school band presented a number in the auditorium hall.
As soon as he entered, he took one of the seats reserved for graduating students that year — and that were in the first rows of seats. Up there, he saw Ananda, one of his colleagues, in one of the last rows of the stands.
Ananda was a sophomore. He had missed an academic year because he had traveled all year before — it is unknown where or with whom. Some said it was because of the domestic violence she suffered at home. Something to do with the stepfather. "Perhaps, that explained why her favorite song was 'Luka', by Suzanne Vega ...", deduced Denison once. For that reason, a school series was left behind. She would not graduate on that date.
She also wore glasses and had changed her hair that day. She was very pretty with bangs. From time to time, she shot with her digital mini-camera from "TekPix" — the famous "Swiss army knife camera, all in one". —, still ostentation in Brazil that year.
The girl always showed a crush on Denison. So, knowing that, he tried not to give him false hopes. She was a nice girl: "But he didn't love her and he didn't want to hurt her feelings," he said. And his motto for relationships, was: "Loving a girl, would be the only factor that would make him be with someone". In fact, it was the way he masked his trauma and fear of getting hurt again after that episode.
The fact was that that night, still in a state of denial, the blind, needy, passionate and immature Denison was still eager to see Mellanie. After all, he hadn't seen her in almost a month. And the last time they spoke, she had just said, evasively, "that they would talk when she returned '", which still gave him some hope.
Hope that would evaporate as fast as a drop of water on an incandescent plate...
Denison was with his attention back to the auditorium ...
While watching her, he realized that his worst prognosis had been confirmed: "He saw a tall, handsome, dark-haired guy with an attitude, breaking through the other students who were sitting in a row, until he reached her ...". Unconsciously, he had already put all the pieces together. He just didn't want to accept the conclusion he would have already reached — repeatedly.
However, in the face of the scene he was watching, perplexed, it was almost insane to continue to withhold the truth from himself. It was then that he recognized, at that time, where that whole situation would end. It hit him. "He didn't need to say or see anything else ..."
To make his bitter mood worse, her sister switched places with Big Marcos, who sat in his chair, next to Mell.
Under Denison's no longer incredulous gaze, Marcos put his right arm around her shoulders, as if he were 'marking territory' — showing him that the two were already close enough. “More than he and Mellanie once were, since there was no public display of affection between them.”, he admitted.
He also noticed that some were looking at him, waiting for some reaction from him. In others, he felt the look of pity in his direction. At that time, finding himself extremely humiliated, he decided that he would not continue there, seeing those looks of pity on their faces. Like Ananda, who liked him and looked at him as if to say: "He didn't deserve that". Faced with that public humiliation picture, before they started to name the names for the delivery of diplomas, Denison left — or rather: he ran away.
He was unable to remain there. He wouldn't even wait for his mother and sister to arrive at the event to see him receive the certificate. At that moment, he felt bad. He experienced dizziness and retching. His ground was missing. He was devastated by that scene in his mind. He wanted to cry but couldn't: "The girl he loved, with whom he fantasized and idealized his future, betrayed him under his nose ...". Denison went home in shock. He walked the streets practically on autopilot, half catatonic.
Some time later, he still wondered. how he did it, how he managed to get home. "He just realized that he had arrived, when he automatically stopped in front of his residence". He didn’t even remember having done that entire 8 miles walk, from the school to the suburbs, right at the end of the main avenue of the city, which was where he lived ...
“But she hadn't even broken up with him or given him justification! ”, he repeated internally, in shock. That night, Denison only slept from exhaustion. From thinking about that episode, trying to process and understand what had happened to him, it seemed that his brain would have a short. Only on the following day, when he get real, did he cry. He cried with rage — mostly at himself.
Denison hated himself for allowing himself to believe that illusion and for not admitting the obvious about Mellanie, when he should have. He, who always said ‘I prefer the bitter truth to the sweet illusion of lying’, because: “The truth sometimes hurt, but it would be just a blow”, didn’t realize he had run away from it all that time. Deep down, he always knew that the Mell relationship was not promising. But he preferred to buy an illusion that, in the end, gave him a strong disappointment.
In the days after the fact, after listening to exhaustion Love Hurts felt guilt and revolt against him. He acknowledged that he was the one who created a Mell that didn't exist. In the end, Denison was indignant against himself, for allowing himself to live all that time in a castle of illusion. Situation invented by his own idealizations and unilateral feelings: "Until everything collapsed under, and on him ...". Denison did not forgive himself.
In that night, after arriving home earlier, he told his mother “that he was not feeling well; and that is why he returned earlier, without taking the Diploma ... ”. Because of that, she and his sister also ended up not going to graduation, staying at home, worried about him. Only later did they learn the real reason.
At first, they didn't bring it up. They didn't know what to say, or how to help him. They thought: "Time would heal everything". They only really started to worry when the situation started to verge on a clinical picture of depression, even with him, without wanting to leave the bedroom to eat, talk or bathe.
Then, together with Minhoca, his friend, they sought to support him and encourage him to overcome all that.
A few months later, he held a public contest, passing right afterwards, being one of the first placed. Then he went to work for the State government That achievement ended up taking a turn of purpose in his life.
But the pain still ate at him inside. Like all lovers disillusioned and kicked, he believed that he would not be happy with anyone else, except that one ... His heart burned with the anguish of knowing that he would not have it anymore. His bitter thoughts, obsessed with the figure of Mell, made his chest tighten with sadness at his lack, while wondering “why?”
He had set out to forget it for good. However, sometimes, in order to contain the pain of pseudo-attraction, he allowed himself to remember the moments together with Mell in his bedroom ... and outside it ...
In one of those “sentimental relapses”, he remembered how she, from time to time, did not care that his mother and sister were in the house, or close to them, and teased him, poking him under the table with her foot ... His thoughts were lost in the memories with her eyes, full of lust, while he provoked waves of pleasure with his tongue ... That made him fantasize that she "would still get real"; "That she would come back to him anytime ...". But the reality was imposed on his delusions and fantasies, arising from the abstinence from having Mell's scented body in his arms. And he had to accept the fact that she was in another relationship.
It also revolted him. To know that another guy, at that hour, could be inside her: “Inside what was the most beautiful vagina he had ever seen, which he knew every square millimeter — inside and out ... . Those thoughts left him with a mixture of jealousy and hatred. Hatred that turned to resentment towards Mellanie. Resentment that she exchanged his love for the status of dating a drug dealer, a "Druggie", who won her over for the money, "he said angrily..
Denison was outraged to think that he had been used as a "distraction" by her, while overcoming her old relationship. Especially after learning that she and her new boyfriend frequented the same motel where he took her. Motel where he made her squirm with pleasure. Place that witnessed the moments that no other man made her live. He resented the idea that, for her, their meetings had been about pure sex without commitment. While he unilaterally had them as something special, idealized.
Whenever he brought back those hot memories between them, it was as if he were transported to the moment of the scene, the moment when he had her velvet body in his arms. He remembered the feeling of kissing her lips ... The taste of her kiss, the softness of her breasts in his hands.
Denison struggled to forget those wonderful sensations that made him experience a preview of what paradise could be. “Paradise” that he “visited” during the synapse explosions in his brain, provided by the orgasms that he experienced just seeing her feeling pleasure. Pleasure brought to her by exploring every curve of her beloved body, as well as manipulating her deepest intimacy ...
But inevitably, Deniosn also recognized that one of her intimacies had never been reached by him: her heart. And that always put him back on the ground. Facts and reality were stronger than his cyclical daydreams with her figure.
So, undeniably, he always had to face the harsh, naked and raw reality at the end of those recurring cycles of pleasurable, painful, reminiscences of the past: “She is gone. She was a star who didn't orbit him anymore ... ”
After that fateful date in high school, 11/27/2010, Denison never sought her out for answers. And she never gave them. In fact, he didn't have to. He thought that the scene that was rubbed in his face had already been a loud and clear message: "She gave a damn about him and what, only he, thought they had together ..."
For this reason, in order to avoid the so-called “depression spiral”, which would be the suffering that the recurrence of memories predictably always made him experience at the end of the “relapse” cycle, Denison became involved in the recent work he had get within the Murity police station, forgetting the world around. However, the trauma of that night had never been fully overcome. And it would end up guiding their later relationships.
However, his condition of being disillusioned in love would last until something extraordinary happened to him. And another female figure, unlikely and extraordinarily, appeared in his lonely life — in an extraordinary way as well. Someone whose existence transcended the limits of Space and Time. And she would give a 180º turn in his, until then, provincial life as a civil servant.
__________ • __________
So, did you like this micro tale?
This is an excerpt from the episode: “The Past Paradox“, fourth book in the series “1999 Paradox”.
Now, what if you had the opportunity to go back in Time and be able to change that past? Or to act differently in relation to your events, also changing the course of your life's history?
Well, to know the context of this part of the story, or what followed after its conclusion, just start to follow the “Series: The 1999 Paradox”, available for free at Playstore Books.
If you want to follow the series, here's the link to the first episode, for free:
Merci pour la lecture!