This is something that bother my life, Am I alone?.
Am I alone? my mind said.
I just woke up when I felt a strange pain while I was sleeping; Am I alone? It repeated again, Am I fucking alone?
My bed is so cold, my hands, feet, my whole body is cold. I tried to cover my frozen body with my blanket at the same time I keep hearing Am I alone?
Anyway, the voice inside my mind was suddenly interrumpted by a family discussion, the big deal? Well, my young brother just asking for breakfast before he could go to his school and of course my father, "my stepfather" doesn't like to wake up early, so he's angry for the noises, mix that feeling with a mother who is in a hurry because she needs to go to work (cha chan) you have a fight.
The problem started and the only thing I can do is cover my ears, don't listen, don't listen buddy. I lie on my side looking at the wall while I'm covering my ears; stituations like that conflict make me feel more sad now than exhausted. When Am I going to wake up in peace? When Am I going to wake up well? Even my mind is screaming loud "Am I alone?"
Am I alone? It says.
My eyes try to confront the noisy voices of my mom and my dad, my only help "fall asleep"; Sleep and stop any thought, reflection, judgement, but the worst thing could happen on that moment or the worst thing I believed could happen. The fucking alarm.
My cellphone rang with that sound I hate, however my eyes shined, I ran to my nightstand and inmidiatly I check my inbox "You don't have any new messages"
I aceppted now, Yes I'm Alone.
My chest started to hurt, maybe not my chest, maybe my heart. What am I feeling right now? Sadness? Loneliness? Abandonment?
Why my eyes are crying? Why my chest (heart) hurst? Why?
"Because You're alone" It says again.
Is that true? Is it true? Am I solo against everything?
"Yes, It's true" my mind says.
Even If my heart and my head don't want to accept I need to start my day "Alone".
Here we go routine... Here I go.
The only weapon will be "my holy list of music"
Damn it, I hate this feeling.
Routine: Take a shower, pack your bag, wear your clothes, put your shoes and your mask. The mask with your perfect smile.
Gracias por leer!