when i was little I ended up with a family that started to beat me wishing death upon me i had to go threw alot of beatings to survive life my adopted moms never let me go out or meet friends or tried to even achieve wat i wanted to do in school my mother always called me fat names and curse me out I promise myself i would never become her at 12 I couldn't bear the bruises and the pain she came in the room with a plastic bat wanted to beat on me i held on to it cause i didn't want to get hurt anymore she called the police on me lying to them saying i hit her I didn't i was the one with the blood and bruises they took me to the juvenile detention were there were false charges on me even though i was in the juvenile detention i felt safe i tried to kill myself a couple of times never ended up happening I ended up in a group home were i ended up were i had to protect myself from being hurt even if i know i was safe in there i ran away at 12 from the group home didn't know my way around ended up being rape with blood all over me i met people i wish I didn't meet i tried to erase the pain i been threw my life i was in a detention home till i was 17 turning 18 they ended up telling me i been there to long and I couldn't stay pass my 18 birthday I ended up getting pick up by my adopted moms I ended homeless in the streets after that because she didn't want me a girl that i used to hang out with took me under get wing took care of me fed me and i thought my life was gonna get better I ended meeting a man he ask me for a cigarette i told him i dont have anymore im broke go by one in the store he look and smile then he said you want something to eat i said sure im thinking why you asking me for a cigarette and you have money in your pocket smh he laugh then we chill and talk he ended up bringing me to his cousin house to fed me and shower he cleaned the bathroom i took my boots off it was swollen blistering he came in and out the house for a whole month to make sure i eat and heal morning breakfast was the bomb not once he touch me when he was sweet kind anyways months past i ended up falling in love with him a he taught me to survive in this cruel world we live in even after all the past months all his secrets started to pour i didn't care because i know people make mistakes he cheated and supported me with the things he was doing to help me survive i ended up having his first baby girl he was so happy he family started to act funny i didn't know why then i come to find out he was married to another women year pass and im still with him always protected me until the end found out he was on drugs and he had a problem
i ended up leaving him 16 years later for a guy that said he was gonna give me a dream a dream that never happen he ended beating me making me feel low chocking me when he was doing that i was like god please take me why i had to go threw this pain all my life people in school bully me and know this all i ever wanted was to be successful a home a car things never turn out that way teachers in my school use to tell me you gonna be someone in life my mother told me the opposite teachers love me they new and people in the building knew i was a good child its just nobody wanted me till this day i still get made fun of i been fighting every day to keep my family together but being a single mom in a shelter its been heard theses workers call acs cps on familys that's trying to get help i always told myself if i was to win the lottery It wouldn't be like that these celebrities or presidents or nothing like those people thats not for they people or community people thats has money never even went threw the struggle once you become famous you forget that you even had a pass i look at these people and i feel like god why i have go threw with this and they spending there money on drugs to support there habits and im a mom in a shelter there are plenty of moms that feel the shelter is i met so many people in my life that hurted me use me and i am still pushing and forgiving no blessings havent came i give my heart and my heart gets shattered im to kind and loving i did so many thing's to survive to feed me and mines wish things were different baby father said and my adopted mother said i will never become someone in life imma be just like my real moms i always tried to prove them wrong I ended up getting a job lost it due to not having a babysitter wish that you can bring your child to work while you work there a daycare inside were a mother cannot worried about wat the next move is i want to accomplish some goals of becoming something in life but its hard for me to even make that move my dream was to become someone or something i was never loved care for i had to learn that on my own people that thought was there for you wasnt there I promise my kids that i will make sure when i leave this earth that they would have something to remember me by and thats mommy not giving up i am tough on my kids because i dont want them to end up like me k decide why not write a book while im in the shelter by me pouring my heart and feelings in this book would make me feel better monday i am taking the ged test and see if i can do it i lost alot and i am trying to get what i lost back all I ever wanted was to be loved find my happily ever after but i feel that love is not even a word for me anymore yes i love my kids and thats it but i want someone to love me i made some messed up decisions in the past and im trying to fix that i give and give people take and never give anything back one of my friends who pass told me if i give gods gonna blesse me still waiting on that day i feel so insecure about my looks since i was a little girl and till these day men still judge me on how i look everytime i meet someone it's always something my teeth or my weight and it hurts me I always take care others before me and wonder when is my turn to get tookin care of my son who us 6 he gonna have a surgery soon he might end up with one kidney and i want my son to be happy and comfortable im worried but i know he gonna be ok god is protecting him i been threw alot and all i wanted them to have a good life travel and show my babys the world 39 about to be 40 and still no progess still in shelter i wish that there was something that can help single moms get a home fast my son want a puppy i told him one day baby you will have one my youngest daughter saw a car and said mommy go inside i said not my car baby one day and the tears and sadness that i cant give them that happiness hurts my mother nor anyone that loved me gave me nothing but heartache i keep wishing and praying things get better
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