This is the story of the "unluckiest" lesbian in the world. Unluckiest. Yeah, and I don't even know if that's a word.
— Mom, Thai is pretending to be sleeping again! – I heard my brother scream really next to me and after that run to tell my mom that I wasn't ready to go to school.
My name is Tainara Oliveira, I'm Brazilian and I'm sixteen but this is not a story about a girl living her dream in America but the complete opposite. Even if that waswhat my mom and I thought it would happen when we move.
Let me explain a little about my life so you can know in what are you meddling in.
I was raised in Brazil but I was not a typical Brazilian girl. I was not tan, curvy with brown eyes and a great hair and that's because I was just like my grandpa. Who was my grandpa? I barely know. Never really meet him. In a little city called Altamira know by the bars, the woman and the lack of laws for rich people, my grandma (at the age of thirteen) meet a men that got her pregnant what made her got kicked out of her house by her parents but in a city like that, that was not the end of the world at all and she just decided to leave the city, go to the capital and make a family even if my grandfather didn't stayed for more than fifteen days in each visit that he made and after my mom got old enough to understand what was happening with her mother they got in a fight and she just made him pay for what he had done. Literally.
But what about my dad you may ask. Well, that's a guy that I know even less. Let's just say that after I was born blond, with blue eyes and very white, she accused my mom of being a whore and never came back home.
Clearly, women in my family have some really bad taste in man and you can make fun with the fact that this my have something with the fact that I'm a lesbian.
But coming back to my grandpa, after my mom grown up and become a layer, she chased him and discovered that he was actually very rich and came from a family of very conservative politicians that made it clear that we're not welcome in their family but they were more than happy to pay for our silence.
So growing up I had a good education, studying in one of the best schools that existed where I lived but being rich didn't stopped the bullying.
See I was an outsider and not only because of my physical appearance there (which made have some quite offensive nicknames) but I never fit in or had a best friend or any other thing that a child usually have and let just said that put myself out of the closet at the age of twelve it didn't help.
And when things got bad and I got beat up in one of my not so favorite episodes of my life, my mom and I decided that it was time to go to a more progressive place or so we thought we could.
Yup, this may be a chock to you but Brazil is not a fun and liberal place to leave where you could be whoever you are and you're going to be accepted and all... Don't get me wrong, I mean, I'm Brazilian and I know we are very passionate people that work hard and can go really far if we have a chance but I wasn't seen as a Brazilian at all and that put me in a lot of trouble, as I already started to told you.
As you can see, this is not a happy story but a very traumatic one where I don't know where I may end so don't get your expectations way to far or you may get hurt like I was.
As I was saying, after I got beat up by my classmates pretty bad, my mom tried to make their parents made their children apologizes to me but the thing is: they were not sorry at all. To then, I was a treat to their children and their children just decided to react as they should.
So after some years of cold war between almost the whole school against me and my mom, she made me a surprise on my fifteen birthday telling me that we're going to move to US.
At the time, I was in shock and extremely happy, hoping and thinking that my life was about to change for ever and that it was finally for the best.
Little did I know that thanks to my (already explained "not so good") grandfather's family, I would end up in one of the most homophobic cities of the whole US and that my dream of being happy and free was thrown away by the window of the plane as we cross the limits to come in the state of Louisiana.
In my mind, if one day in my life I had a chance to speak with him, I would ask if when he got a house to us there was on purpose or if was just a attempt to put us as far as we could be from him and his family because even if was not on purpose that was a quite effective way to trying to get rid of us.
But when we arrived, we had no idea of what was expecting us and me, my mom and my brother Caíque were full of dreams and hopes for our lives.
To Caíque, right now things wasn't easy either because unlike me, he was tan, with dark skin, brown eyes and a beautiful smile and right now, instead of just being the adoptive brother of the troublemaker he was a outsider too with some racists nicknames but here's another thing where we were completely different: he was one of that type of kid that you know for sure it is going to be an athletic guy, maybe even a quarterback if he decide to play football.
And also he got a little thing that I still didn't had there: he had friends.
Here's one thing you need to know about me before you jump to your own conclusions: I was not good at making friends. And not because I didn't tried but mostly because my anxiety always make me overthink what I'm doing and what I'm saying so I can start a conversation just fine but at the end of that, I'm always going to be afraid of what I said or to say something else and be seen as a weird person.
Of course, that to my mom I just have an unusual sense of humor that takes time for people to understand and all that things that mom's usually lies to you about it but even with when I'm talking to her, sometimes my mind makes me wonder if she wouldn't be better if I just... didn't existed.
This particular subject of "what if" is what put me where I'm now and that's what I'm going to tell you.
End of chapter one.
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Thank you for reading!