It had been years in the meantime. But I had not forgotten Stefe. This handsome man who had turned my head with his self-confident manner. I had never forgotten what he had done for me and I was terribly grateful for one thing, namely that I was allowed to get to know him. Even today, tears involuntarily came to my eyes when I thought of him. But what could time do to you? The years passed and the tears dried up and the mental pain of the mourning passed slowly. But what Stefe had left in me were countless memories. On this morning when I returned from hiking, I had the feeling that I was finally consciously dedicating myself to the past and to look at it with open eyes and to process it. There would still come many tears but crying was allowed. Sometimes it helped. That was different from person to person. I was very emotional and, on the other hand, could not let my feelings eat away at me. It had all started with an incredibly clumsy coincidence. I was hiking in the mountains with my friend Mike at the time. It was winter and it was snowing like crazy when we hiked back to the alpine hut. He squeezed my hand affectionately. "Are you excited about our wedding?" He looked into my eyes for a moment . "Yes Mike. Why aren't you? Why are you always questioning it?" "Because I have the impression that you haven't loved me for a long time. You know, ever since I got back from the war, I've had the feeling that you're hiding something from me." So let it be my business, I thought. I knew that Mike loved me but I didn't love him for a long time and that's what I was hiding from him. No more and no less. Since he was back from the war, he was different, on bad days he was gruff and sometimes hit me under the influence of alcohol. I wished every day to finally get out of the relationship but something still held me back. Was it the countless shared memories? I would of course refuse the wedding, but I would do that at the right time. Suddenly Mike slipped. It pulled him down the rocks. The last thing I saw of him was him sliding down the rock. He was still trying to hold on, but he couldn't cling to the icy rocks. I went rigid with fright. I had to get help immediately if he was not already dead. Maybe a sharp rock had hit him on the head. Snowflakes whirled in my face as I ran, and I must have hit him twice. I had no cell phone with me so I had to get to the hostel as quickly as possible, which was actually quite close by if it weren't for all the snow.
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